Well I have now been on site visit so I can fill u in on what I have been thinking about which has been all over the place. My new house is really pretty its on a dirt rd path in my front yard I have all these awesome trees with all sorts of fruit and even a green pepper tree I actually have this bungalow house thing to my self so its pretty sweet. However my room has nothing in it minus the wooden bed with no mattress so my sleep has not been very good. The peace corps wanted me to go around to the market to see the prices of things I need however because iam in a rural place my market does not have such things as a mattress so if I find one in another place that leaves me with the question of how the heck do I get it to my site. I also have no light in my room at all and no curtains on my see through windows but I do however have a ceiling so that exceeded my expectations. My new family does not use guppies this makes me so very sad bc I could see the larva in my shower water I did try to look for some today so I could put some in but with little luck. There is no light in my bathroom either so I now must shower with a surong on just so I can keep the door open to have light not exactly ideal but its that or pitch black. In all honesty I am sure I can get used to my surroundings with in a few weeks however a little about my new host family this I think will be an on going process for me to learn about them. While I thought I had just two host siblings I don’t exactly I guess there is another older girl who lives right next to us like there are 3 house set up mine my host dad and the host siblings and then another house within a few steps of one another. Well this older host sister has 3 kids a girl who I think is like 9 and two really young boys 2 and 3 I call them thing one and thing two lol jk but I do call the younger one trouble maker bc he beats on all the neighbor kids and always has this look in his eye that he is gonna fuck shit up and he does. All I know is always at least 14 people at my house I cant figure out who everyone belongs but there is time for that. I am not gonna lie this family is not as fun as my host family now but maybe I just have to get used to them. My host dad is really old and frail he is almost 70 however looks 90 he does not let me go anywhere by my self which kind of sucks but is nice enough just looking at him you can tell life has been extremely hard on him this I think in return makes a very solemn serious person. However he did say he was excited to have an American for a daughter bc he has never been around an American let alone had one as his daughter. In my host family now they go out of there way to make me feel like family and I think in that regards I have been spoiled because this family im not sure if im being treated like an honored guessed or what exactly but all I can tell you it does not make me feel happy. For instances for dinner they sit me in the hall floor to eat alone while they all sit out side in the back somewhere I don’t know if this is considered a nice place to eat and that’s why but I feel very isolated from them. However I should mention the first night my host dad did sit with me and its was supper serious and a big deal in fact it was such a big deal that all the neighbors and any relatives with in a 5 mile radius had to come and sit in the door frame I counted there was 20 people all watching me and my host dad eat. I don’t think I have ever mention the cultural rules on sitting on the floor and how to sit well because this is my host dad castle he gets to sit with his legs crosses and everyone else must sit with your legs on the side as a sign of respect sometimes if you are another male he will give you the okay to switch but as a girl I don’t think ill ever get that okay lmao so eventually I might just rock the boat and do it but ill give that some time. When ever I go out someone from my family will just show up spying on me which also is not exactly the best feeling because my host family now is the opposite they love that I am always out and that I go and play soccer so this will hopefully not last to long for some reason it’s a big deal to have an American and if something happened to me it would make them lose face so I try not to get to pissed off though its hard some time because im a free sprit don’t want to be encaged! I also went to vist my village hospital it was deff interesting I had to go though some Cambodian jungle to get their the male nurse speaks a little eng and after I went for a tour and asked questions he invited me and my host brother to some sort of party that was deff interesting but I was given the okay to start my guppies farm yay! One of the ladies at the stand speaks eng as well and has been supper nice to me I think she wants to be friends I guess she has an American husband but she could not get American citizenship because they did not believe that they were really married I don’t know but we went on some sort of crazy tuk tuk ride around the town it was pretty cool. There is a place near by where I can feed monkeys so once I come back to site I will have to hit that up but right now I realize I need to know far more Khmer and am happy to have a few more weeks with my current host family! for the next few days i get to go into the city so ill update some pics and more life stories hope all is well ps to Elizabeth and emon congrats only a few days left till you are stuck with each other for life lol jkjk good luck and ship me some american food from the wedding!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
WHERE IS WALDO OR WHERE WILL I LIVE FOR 2 YEARS
Mental health day
After last week they put in a mental health day for all of us volunteers and for this awesome event they gave us 30 dollars as a group to make American food oddly enough just like me all of phrey chore considers Mexican food to be the thing we miss a lot go figure. Keep in mind this was hard because we had to make everything from scratch and we only have one stove top and no oven so what would take 40 mins tops in America took 3 hrs in Cambodia but have to say it hit the spot. Yesterday I went back to the middle school and we did small group activity where we let them draw a map of places they like to go not go it was interesting and then we did another one with listing 5 things they would like to get better apparently most of them are very scared of ghost and would like to see this fixed I have been told by other volunteers that at there permant site the schools have people take turn to guard the school not for the reason you would think but to help keep ghost away from the school. It was interesting to see what all the groups put down if I recall a decent amount wanted gangsters to be gone traffic laws in Cambodia because there families have to give lots of money to the hospital when there family keeps getting hit, clean environment, stop family violence according to the students the drunk men come home and will start fights so this must be pretty common. One group wanted there prey chore to be bigger so other Americans and tourist would come and they could become rich. What else has been going on well im in major count down mode to know where I will be living for two years of my life I think my host mom is really sad I will be leaving bc she keeps trying to figure out where I am going and then last night a neighbors grandson who speaks really good eng was here and she had him translate that she thought of me has her real daughter and how much she worries about me (esp that I don’t like most foods lmao) I was kind of surprised because I can barely speak to her but I guess it just proves that 80 percent of communication really must be non verbal. I also took advantage of this eng speaker dude and was able to talk to all my neighbors and tell them how expensive it is in America and how were not rich one guy was really interested in American school system I don’t know the conversation was pretty entertaining all I can say is I think we all live to be understood and since coming to Cambodia that has been hard so last night was one of those nights that things seemed to make senses.
Dead People LOVE Chicken
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Cafe
As a person who speaks very little of the native la I frequent the same places in hopes I am less likely to get ripped off not to mention it helps built connection with the community. There is one place in particular that I pretty much live at which happens to be the café by my lcfs house due to the fact that I drink coffee at least two times a day from them. Well since most of us volunteers frequent there we have made this place some what of a cool place to be and while in America you really don’t know if giving your money over to one place vs. another really matter or see the effects of you being there this is the opposite in Cambodia. Since arriving in my community this place now has added a roof and extended the restaurant. While in America it’s hard to say I was really ever a loyal costumer to any one places due to the fact there are no specials for the locals in America. The people who work at this place are so happy to have us as costumers they go above and beyond anything I could imagine and to think I don’t even tip them for instances they will run to another places and give us free snacks because they are so happy we are trying to learn Khmer they will sit and actually try to help us study and then today was sort of the kicker that has lead me to write this blog the lady who runs the place as I am paying pulls me over to the side because she has bought me a present a hair thing with fake diamond like things in a shape of a flower. What does one say to a gift from a lady who makes no money I was deff overwhelmed and couldn’t believe that some restaurant cared that much about the people who go their to invest money on a present. On another note today at lunch Lorie the girl who’s site I visited has lunch at my house and now my host mom is in love with her and has been asking me since I have arrived home where is she and telling the neighbors how much Khmer she knows and how pretty she is compared to me. I guess this is my fate since inviting someone who has been living in Cambodia for a year however I am glad that she also thinks my host mom deff speaks Khmer all crazy. I did my survey thing and I can say that the best question was by far do you think your meals are clean and how people’s perceptions were and reality was amazing. So I will tell you about one of my favorite house I went to anyways mind you we get taken to the barn to ask the question in this place is horse, cows. Chickens. ducks etc when asked do you think your meals are clean the answer very clean next question where do you cook ur food the man points right in the middle of the barn next to the horse. See I love the fact that his perception of clean and what health wise we consider clean is a lot diff I don’t know if that shows that as a health volunteer I might have to really dive in what a clean environment is or if they know and they choose to ignore it. Naturally things can just be normal in Cambodia so I will tell you about my brush with death while doing the surveys and no im not talking about the dogs. As me and my survey partner liz were walking all of a sudden a snake is passing by at first sight I was not to scared thinking whatever a snake however has it lifted its head like it was going to attack and I saw that it was a cobra I was like wtf and scream which according to our safety book ur not supposed to do however in my flight or fight moment I said screw that. As were walking away from the snake the lcf is like o a snake and looks at it and once we were down the road decide to let us know how dangerous it was I wish you could here the accent as he says this but ill quote and you can just imagine “o I think you very lucky if that snake accidentally bite you I think it would kill you in 15 mins” me and liz o really thanks for telling us that now me couldn’t you just get us venom from the hospital lcf umm not all hospitals have venom I know many people who die because of that. Then I think I went on how I would make him suck the venom out of me lmao but it really was a huge note to self how would I survive if I was attacked I still don’t have an answer bc there is no way the peace corps could get to me in under 15 mins which means death,
My life in nutshell
This has been an eventful week where to start okay well along with my host mom hacking fire wood with a sword she also apparently captures up scorpions so the other night im getting changed and I hear this hard knock which my host mom never knocks hard so I was like yea and she was all excited so I quickly throw on my srong and what do I see in her long thongs that she uses to start fires but a scorpion. I think my host mom is stating to get me she notices that I take random pics of geckos around the house and anything that I find interesting so she knew that I had to take a picture of it before she killed it by the way this thing was huge! On an everyday biases it’s a continual game of charades this was no different so I wanted to know where it came from the name of it in Khmer and once I got my host mom to understand that apparently it just showed up in the kitchen thank god she found it and not me bc I would have not even know what to do. My host mom has been bugging me why don’t I wear earrings so I told her that she should just get her lip pierced like me and now its our on going joke. My host family found out I will eat frogs so I have been getting that for lunch but she also found out I like French Fries that she makes by hand for me. This week in Peace Corps training its practicum week which means we get to put all our newfound knowledge to the test and roll with the knowledge we don’t yet have. As a health volunteer we had to go to some hospitals follow workers around still take technical la sessions teach a health lesson at the school and create a house hold survey and I thought my social research methods class was going to go to waste in life who knew. It has been really hectic with all these side projects going on well first ill tell you about this morning me and Helen both co teached with some of the eng kids on nutrition we came on this topic because we need something not to hard to teach in eng for the record I feel teaching any subject in eng to people are learning is a huge challenge and I really wish I could just do it in Khmer. Well the lesson went well played some games got them to understand you need to eat good things however I wish I had the la ability to better explain why we just split up things to eat into 3 groups foods that give you energy, foods that keep you strong, and goods that help you not get sick. We drew pictures and had them put them into groups and make different meals it was deff hard because we could not have to big of a vocab list but overall I think they understood and having no teaching training I think my group did pretty good. However I would say it was interesting to see how Cambodian’s in general learn you can really see how it is associated or connected with there way of life. For instances while in American schools it is always about problem solving ability and proving you can use what you learned all about the individual. Well naturally being American I try to provoke young minds helping them to think for them selves but this is a huge hurdle for Cambodia school age children they are all about the group dynamics they do not like to think outside the box or do something different from there class mates. Ex we played a matching memorization game but none of the kids would pick diff boxes so it took an exter 20 mins House hold surveys I am doing sanitation habits of food cooking, washing hands etc. however the kicker with this is I have to try to say my questions in Khmer there will be a translator with us aka an LCF but even when I say things right in Khmer people in this culture are not used to people knowing their la so I get looked at like I have 5 heads so I am never to reassured that what I am saying is being understood. Even though I have been hear for a month the neighbor hood kids have not tired of saying hello 500 times a day wait let me extend that to adults as well. I have a site interview today and then next Saturday I get to find out where this is awesome yet kind of crazy because I don’t know where it is but it will determines the rest of my life haha also new host family just has I am starting to get used to my host family I will be getting a new one. After class I have been able to play soccer with the local kids this has been fun but I have to admit im breaking all the Cambodian rules due to the fact I am the only girl that is playing with 30 guys o well. A few of the other volunteers are really good at yoga and started to give some time to do a group lessons I now aspire to do this crazy scissors move where you hold your self in air. Sigh the electricity has gone out so now it is lunchtime and im sitting in the dark with out a fan that’s life in Cambodia in a nutshell.
Awkward turtle
If you don’t know what awkward turtle is I think you should google it but the awkward part is what I will be focusing on. Granted for most of my time in Cambodia there has been a lot of awkward turtle however I would say the past two days have taken it to new levels. Cambodian people are very willing to let us as volunteers be extremely hands on which is interesting however sometimes its those moments when you know this has to be as another volunteer put it profoundly wrong. While its easy for me to change the things which might be considered rude in Cambodia but what about the other way around when they do something which is so rude in America well it makes it a lot more difficult to deal with and then its this huge mental block that has to be fought off. Due to the fact that I am a health volunteer i have to learn a lot of medical terms in Khmer but to prove that we learned enough of it this week the peace corps set up with the referral hospital in phey chore to go around and talk to patients which in the states would never happen because of hip laws. Besides feeling what we were doing was illegal it all so just felt extremely wrong to go up to sick kids and there family and try to speak in Khmer and say what is he/she sick with and the lcf made it extremely important that we got what they were saying so sometimes this was repeated. On top of that we do not have the langue skill to convey sympathy or condolences etc so I deff feel at times I had to have come off crude. A quick side note but there are no aids in hospitals hear so the family members must take off to take care of them which I would imagine to be stressful, so if I was looking at it from there prospective I would want to know why the fuck are these American bothering me. However that was not the case they were happy that Americans were taking interest in them. However most of us could not get over the fact of what we were doing when we tried to explain how wrong we felt this was the lcf told us to pretend to be Drs and keep asking anyways. In America being in a hospital is a very private experience not so in Cambodia rooms are opened with more then 2 people and some people are outside and its very okay for us to go up and ask them what in America would be very personal questions. Well after that instance how much more awkward could my life get in Cambodia I know I have told you on this blog numerous times how often I get called fat or ask why I am so fat but it went to a whole new level today ps I wish what I am about to tell you did not happen. After my morning bike ride and a nice afternoon I went and tried to spend time with the neighbors who instantly hang out in my drive way when no sooner do I sit down does my host mom go running off and everyone laughing I was still in my own world. Until I saw my host mom scurrying back towards me and in her hands she bought out a rice scale for me to stand on in front of everyone to see how taught (big) I really am of course I refused I was like I am a fat American I don’t need to know how much but then all of them went on it and then pretty much I was weight gang raped and they threw me up on the scale and im sure will have a good laugh at my America fat ass for a while. Then of course there is the random lunch in my host parents had and who ever they invited stared the whole time and whispered back and forth about me you know when you see a huge car pile up and you cant help but slow down and rubber neck it (look) well in Cambodia I am that car accident.
MY HOST FAMILY
I realized I did not get to give you much of an update on my host family since I am slowly getting to know them turns out they have 5 kids 3 girls 2 boys so I was not wrong about the two son part but there is girls to. I actually get to see one of my host sisters on weekends she comes home I think she goes to university she is really cool from the little I can talk to her I think all the neighborhood kids really look up to her they seem to get really excited when she shows up. I think my host mom wishes I new more Khmer because she try’s so hard to talk to me and I never have a clue as to what she is talking about in all honesty I think my host family has learned more eng from me then I learned Khmer hah. I do this thing where is say what I am about to say in Khmer in eng then say it and when I hear it I have to do the whole process so conversation is in slow time for me but this deff has made my host family hear far more eng. Today the Peace Corps set up something called a round table it was meant for families and volunteers to meet and ask questions it was more awkward then anything else. I don’t think either group wanted to ask each other stuff that we feel we should know like for me I have no idea what my host dad does to make money and why there is this lady who works in the house during the day while my host mom watches her soap operas? I tired some new Cambodian desert called jack theming I think something along those lines its basically cook bananas with some sort of goobie balls and a extremely sweet sauce cant say I was the biggest fan. Everyone’s host family main questions where why do you eat so little my host dad harped on that for a while o yea I guess I should mention the women did not come I think its that whole Cambodian male higher archie thing. The best part is everyone in Cambodia wants to over feed you but right after dinner at least in my neck of the woods they love to sit around and ask why I am so fat my host mom will even go and get someone who speaks in eng to just ask me that one question yes this makes me want to eat more rice. However as most of you know I am a picky eater pretty much a pain in the ass to feed and my host mom has to deal with me so for that I give her props. So my host mom is a trip for one bc she noticed that I don’t like how tiny the bones are in everything she will actually sit there and take my plate and cut off meat for me and when it comes to bananas she will peel it for me. She gets extremely upset about misquotes biting me so she goes on bug huts for me around the house esp in my room its deff amusing to watch on a down note bc of this I am not allowed to wear shorts it makes me to much of a target. I also have old clothes and they have rips and thing in them my host mom is quick to sew it up for me which is awesome bc I have no idea how to sew. Lately she has been asking me about my mom back home well not so much about her but she wants to know why me and my mom do not talk on the phone I don’t think she thinks I have parents but I finally convinced her I did and that my mom doest know how to use the phone it’s the only way I could translate it I tired a billion other things that did work so now if she ever meets my mom she might take her aside to show her how to use a phone lmao. In Cambodia people are ocd about there family and she has kids all over Cambodia and they all call each other a lot so the concept of me not calling home a lot is one she can not grasp. Have you ever seen someone who is kick ass with a machete well my host mom is I swear one chop and she chops wood like its nothing all I can say is bad ass. My host dad was in the military maybe and ex police officer but he actually knows how to read eng minus the annoying words with silent letters however I sometimes feel bad bc he can help more with my edu wise way more then my mom but I don’t want the inferiority to be there so I try to included her to. People kept telling him tonight that me and him look alike bc we both have the same type of face have to admit I don’t know what type of face that is but this seemed to make him happy and I just rolled with it like yea were related. I found out that my host family might be Chinese which doest really matter except my host mom version of Khmer sounds soo different and this explains why at least I know its not in my head that she speaks as if she is yelling haha.
Cambodia is in a State of PERIL
Okay so every Thursday is seminar day in chomp cham where I think we get told about all the things that will kill us or hurt us in Cambodia. Let’s see so far we had to learn about all the way misquotes will harm humans if untreated kill humans. Then there is parasites in all the meat and veggies and god knows what other food o by the way nigh soil equals human manour, which helps to carry lots of disease and parasites 411 Cambodia gets some things from Vietnam which uses this. Today it was all about land mines which according to the statistics I received today Cambodia has the 2nd most land mines in the world Afghanistan is number one. O yea there is 3 times the amount of land mines then people in Cambodia right now wtf to that most are the tie boarder and a lot are where I am living right now. The best part of all in these informative sessions are how to treat and prevent o wait half the things they say are not due able in country for instances misquotes use your net wear deet (which by the way long terms effect of deet have been linked to parkson disease) and avoid misquotes funny bc I didn’t know I could tell misquotes to go away and they would listen. Its awesome when ever they recommended to use hot water lmao o really I could take a hot shower my host family must have a secret place they store that water. If I have a rash put anti bacterial soap on it and stay out of humid places humm pretty sure that cant happen in Cambodia. Hookworm are carried in dogs etc so you might not want to even walk barefoot in your house just to be on the safe side. If your family has a dog or cat try not to let it near you or touch you (no cats or dogs have any shots so most have worms fleas and various other things) I feel like I have seen weird things in the cats ear I have no idea what that could be. Land mines avoid area’s you don’t know considering I don’t know most places in this country sort of hard also found out that people steal the signs to warn people because the iron that hold up the signs get people 500 real. I think best comment today by medical staff don’t be alarmed if a worm comes out of your but you can wait till business hours to call. I know now you wondering how likely is this stuff ever going to effect me well us K4 are setting records a kid who was in my langue group got dengue and that misquote can effect up to 3 block radius I escaped that and I have no idea how. However to be fair seminar day is not all about death we also get to find out about the on goings of the week and what expectations must be met this week was about Permanente site we now have the knowledge of what safety must be met they have a list of 10 things that should be met however they informed us today that is not always possible and as long as they find a place that has 6 out of 10 its acceptable last time I check that’s 60 percent aka an F. I guess I just have to roll with it and hope that my site gets a 10 and I will just be happy that the peace corps is at least honest with us so if my site seems under par ill have a better idea as to why.
The dance of life
“Some people see not enough beauty in the world while others see to much” which one are you? Well in college I had that moment of realization that there is this force of life behind everything and it really was as simple as that moment in American beauty were he see’s the bag just floating how this transcends into my new Cambodian life is I see it even more so being hyperaware of the things people with in the culture are doing makes me see even deeper beauty in it all (a kid ridding a bike) it sometimes nice to have the power to look past the ugliness people carry with in them and go beyond that and then beyond that which for myself was hard to do in the united states. While I do admit my human faults of feeling irritated by people and want to disassociate with people and things that seem to not work with my way of life I now choose more so not to write them off instead look at them as a teaching for me (note I did not say teacher this is for the reason its important not to get to attached but to learn and move on) that’s some more Ram Dass wisdom. However this is easier said then done and I am constantly struggling with this in Cambodia for instances when do you give in to what culturally they want you to do and what you feel you should be doing? I am constantly reminded what a “good Khmer women” would do but being good does that really equal happy or does it lead to oppression? on the other hand what if they don’t see it that way and for me to bring it up basically ruins that whole ignorance is bliss sort of a deal. I guess it comes down to how many of you really would want to know absolute truth or go on being what I think I would call shallow happiness because we must realize that Americans are not a group of people we would label as happy and we have so much freedom I had a conversations with a biologist once about humans being an overall brute animal that are basic design of having a brain is to figure out what is wrong and try to fix it which does explain why we are not to happy once we figure something out but have to move on to the next issues were having. Anyways back on topic in Cambodia many of the women chop the fire wood do all the laundry by hand and in some families not mine thank god have the women of the family eat on the floor while the men eat on a table top if that is no a slam in the head how they culturally view women I don’t know what is. This week the Peace Corps gave us debrief on how women should culturally deal with unwanted sexual attention and if a rape should occur what to do. So this got me really thinking about what should I accept culturally or try to change being Americans has it benefits if I really shake things up I always get to whip out the phrases this is how we do it in America while at first I was hesitant to use this phrases now I realize they actually want to be more like us and if I don’t feel like arguing for 30 mins that ends it. Well never the less I will try to explain Cambodian social hierarchy and how one has to deal with things lets say you have an issues with someone you are work friends with however they are of higher standing then you well you can not be direct with them even if they do something wrong you must go in this weird about way almost like what I think in America would be considered gossip you tell someone and they work there way up the chain until it reaches the person of higher standing then you. I know your all thinking what happens if you tell the person directly? I will tell you in Cambodia that is called losing face which would make that person look bad and then hold a grudge against you and it makes life so much harder esp when you are a peace corps volunteer and need to work with a lot of men with big egos and people in high places. The reason I bring up losing face is that technically me rejecting a man could causes this to occur however culturally men are never supposed to be that forward but in the end it would not matter what some creeper man did is culturally right or wrong if they have the power I would be in the wrong so everything has to be handled just right or as a women I pay the price not saying this does not happen to male volunteers to bc it does but women have to fight it a bit more. So basically how does one ended up deciding what they will change in a cultural or just follow is an extremely hard task or at least for me it is a daily struggle. Naturally this is all from my view and I sometimes would kill to be able to talk to my host mom about this however I can barely say hello and thank you. All I say from observation although most people I meet in Cambodia are really poor and have a lack of freedom they always seem so happy with that all I can state is it hard not to see the beauty in the world when people and things around you always seem so positive.
We are aliens
It occurred to me that most of you want to know how I am adjusting to Cambodia the random on going in my day to day life or just things I have learned becoming a Cambodian women. Well here is goes as I ride my bike around town I often see cattle but in Cambodia there is not the type of cattle you fatten up to eat so the working cattle becomes dinner they often look so thin and sickly sometimes I have seen them dead on the side of the road. Needless to say the meat does not taste the same also meat is left out a lot which if I was in the states would bug me but in Cambodia I just learn to live with, its all about not over thinking things because if you do you will end up rejecting the country and culture really quickly. Cambodia has some crazy fruit a lot, which grow on vines and tress but oddly enough not strawberries why because it actually doest get cold enough long enough. Also they have oranges that are bright green. Ever have chicken for dinner and not know what to do with your left over bones will in Cambodia not an issues you just throw them on the ground while you eat the dogs will eat them as well as cats (never new cats like bones). In America you know it is going to rain if the sky starts to look grey over cast like well in Cambodia they know to but I have no idea how bc it will be a clear sky and sunny but they will always call it out. Most of the people in Cambodia are scared of snakes while in America it is spiders also Cambodians are very fearful of ghost and sprits, I would think if that was your fear you would want to keep them out but instead they just want to make them happy so they leave an offering house thing with water flowers and food (it’s a Buddhist thing). If you ask a Cambodian if there family was from anywhere else they look at you like you have 5 heads and will not skip a beat and be like I am Cambodian so when you try to explain that in American people are from all over generally know as mutts they don’t get it. Everyone in Cambodian does not believe in the idea of the individual for instances if I do something screwed up in Cambodia people would look down at my whole host family, which is somewhat odd everything belongs to your family and neighbors so while in America we want to take credit for things we have done individually in Cambodia the family as a whole takes credit which can be good and bad. What I mean by that is it takes away from the ego of the person and allows others to share more with you but also kind of sucks bc there is still a system in place which is not exactly fare of equal example its more likely the man will get more praises even if the women who did whatever. Only 1 percent of hospitals actually have DRS in them most hospitals esp village ones are run by nurses and midwives drs will not make enough money in small places so they don’t go there. What is it like to being living in this whole new atmosphere I have just told you somewhat about its amazing because with this I get to wake up in rice fields and palm trees and these astounding human beings know as Cambodians get to make me laugh and think all at once. What it all really comes down to is realizing that were all aliens just trying to figure out what it means to be human and even though I have grown up in America I still cant say I get the people in my own mother land any more then I get Cambodian people and I guess that’s what keeps me tuned in.
Lack of information
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Oregon Trail
Okay so lets go back to the best computer game ever in 1995 and why I bring it up in 2010 that game is currently my life but more rpg style… I spend my time trying not to die of dysentery finding goods in other villages and having to interact with people to make sure I can find ways to the village to trade goods etc. this weekend I had my Cambodian adventure at another volunteer sites it has been awesome but it made me realize how each village has something diff to offer in way of life as well as actual goods being an American I fail to see the value in sugar and milk etc bc they have and seem to always been their were in Cambodia I have yet to find a thing of peanut butter though im told it might be sold in a gas station so this is my life no Oregon trail the open Cambodian road I have to cross rivers and walk into on coming high ways in hopes to find all that I need and from this I value goods a lot more now! So I got to visit kampong Thom and then go up to semi reap I went with two other people and together we new enough Khmer to get to where we had to be I just hope I can do it on my own. I have had a very western style weekend awesome food and I even got Mexican I decide that I was Spanish in my past life by I love wraps so much and I think I might miss that more then American food. Have to say that semi reap looks way diff then the regular villages even the market it soo clean they really want to keep having the brongs coming (brongs means French foreigner however they now just use it if your white in general) so I get hello brong a lot its sort of odd bc if we said that in the us i think we might be punched not to mention in the us if you charged someone based on their skin color they that person would be sued. Everyday is a step at a time I take everything I learn to decied what steps I will take in my two years to try to help where I feel I can be of most use and that may include equality classes. this will be my last post till I have internet again so joom reap leah!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
At what cost
I had a very long day today I had to take a 30 min ride for a big peace corps meet up which I think we do once a week which is nice to see the other volunteers! But a long day bc there is a lot to learn today it was all about water filters and some games with prizes but my group did not win so no snickers’ for me I think the prize’s started to make everyone think about American food way to much so I have entered a mind set while being here that I don’t know what American food is also I keep acting like I have never had anything be4 so its like I am not losing anything it makes being here a whole lot easier. For those who don’t know since reading be here and be now I have become somewhat in love with Ram Dass philosophies so I feel Cambodia is an opportunity for me to move past what I think I know I am to the actualization beyond me now, the example he uses is does the caterpillar know it is changing into a butterfly or does it just happen and that is the same with human transformation into realizing! All I can say is I rather be in any 3rd/4th world country then stuck behind some desk from 9-5 at least in Cambodia I can honestly say I feel I am living being an active participant in life being hyper aware of my surroundings has made me realize how much I was on autopilot like most days I did not even realize how I just said the same things or answer to the same things (paper or plastic, have a nice day, when do you have work etc). I will stop going all deep into my psyche and come back to the reality most people want to here about, anyways my teacher came over to tell my host family about my up coming schedule and a lot was able to be understood such as I know what to do with my garbage yay. I know your all like how come you did not know well in Cambodia there is no sanitation of any kind so everything has to be burnt but at my house I don’t have a backyard which I think is where most families burn theirs and were I live in the market I see a lot of people do it right on the street but I was very unsure if this is what my family does or not turns out no, instead they put it in a potato sack and give into to someone to take to the field to burn. If I have time for another side project because my ideas for this place r filling up fast I would like at least in my village want to set up more places to throw out trash bc I am starting to think of that commercial from the 80s with the crying Indian dude bc of all the trash in America well its 100 times worse here no one has any trash cans one is excepted to just throw stuff on the ground and I felt bad doing that so I have been storing water bottles and other plastic thing in my desk =( I had no idea what I was gonna do in a few days I was running out of room. Naturally as many of you know trash brings bugs and disease so being a health educator I feel I have to get this to work out in my village fingers crossed which will require me to come up with some free way to make trashcans or it will not happen. Turns out my host mom thinks im soo funny even though she has no idea what im saying I guess my mannerisms r enough in Khmer when you do not know something you do this thing with your hands and say attae (no) which seems to make every Cambodian laugh when I do this but at least they understand I have absolutely no idea what they are saying to me. While most volunteers also have to deal with la barriers with families a lot of them have kids in them which most young kids learn some eng in school so it helps a bit for me it’s just me and my boa and mia (host dad, mom). For now I must go but I will leave you with a little Ram Dass wisdom… If you get so efficient if you’ve got to turned off to all the vibrations of the scene (life) bc your so busy about the future or the past or time has caught you it cost to much!
American Aboard
So I have to admit before coming to Cambodia I did have my hesitation on how would I be treated as an American considering our past with them, Incase they didn’t cover this in history classes for most of you (I think my teachers most of forgotten to talk about it???) year right anyways with the Vietnam war we also went into Cambodian territories and helped with the over throw of there gov which soon became the Khmer rouge which in turned killed millions. Knowing that in American people still re in act the civil war and the south still hold some what of a weird grudge I for sure thought the people here would have there options however if they do I see no sign of it this could be due to my poor communication skills in Khmer or just the fact that they are to nice to tell me to my face. However I did have the opportunity to talk to another foreigner from Australia who happened to have asked flat out (im pretty sure she speaks Khmer) her story goes like this she was riding on a tourist bus in phom phenn the bus driver has scares in his head from where the bullet hit him so she ask how did that happen and he tells her the war and in turn she ask how can you stand being so happy when half the people on this bus are American tourist? Besides the money he tells her well we won the war haha and then says that when everything happened that the Cambodian gov told the people not to blame the Americans it is not the people it is the leaders and then proceeded to show protest clips on the news of Americans protesting the bombs of Cambodia. I just wonder if it were the other way around would our gov show clips of the opposition and try to defend them? Well after this lady had the balls to ask I decided to ask my lcf and he was just no we love Americans they help us so much so I feel its almost the fact there all so Buddhist here its like they very easily forget the past and move on to the future and I think after the atrocities they have faced and can do that so should the rest of us, I really do admire how open Cambodian people r. I would have to say I don’t think they care so much as I am American is that I have white skin which is some what hard for me to deal with for instances yesterday I went to the market alone and I kid you not some old Cambodian lady grabs my arm and starts to slap it point to how white it is screaming this to the lady across the way this went on for what felt like forever but in actuality was about 2 mins then to let me know I could go she smacked my ass I think by American stands I was harassed lmao in Cambodian however I made a friend. I would also say more important then me being American is that I speak eng so I take the same bike rout everyday where I know my chances of getting hit are less (no traffic laws in Cambodia a volunteer was actually already hit) so there really is no deviating from this path needless to say so the word is out I think Cambodian kids get up early to say one word and one word only to me HELLO HELLO HELLO its like they learned this one word incase they ever met an eng speaker and now that it has happened they stand outside there fence to say this every morning, however when I try to speak Khmer back to them you can forget it this scares them to death they have no idea why I know Khmer and they scatter away. There is also this misconception that because I graduated college I am a dr or maybe they get health volunteer edu mixed up but I keep telling my host family I am not a dr but im starting to feel maybe this is away for them to brag there is a whole status thing in Cambodia and perhaps I should just play along? Needless to say being an American in Cambodia has many benefits as far as people will just listen to whatever I say but the down side is I am always in a fish bowel and believe me the neighbors let me know how funny I am or what is wrong with me (many occasions they come and pick up my fat rolls and laugh) in return I just motion that I am huge American this makes them laugh harder but what can I do next to them everyone is huge! However sometimes being fat equals being happy almost like Santa clause or something like fat equals jolly or maybe more like Buddha I dunno but somehow fat means you are happy. This weekend I will be going on an adventure to see different volunteers site where I will have Internet so I hope you all will be happy to see 5 new blogs at once! Till then joom reap leah!
Motorcycle diaries
So a couple months ago I watched this movie called motorcycle diaries about Che Gurvaro’s life more of the innocent reason as luis would put it as to why he became a socialist. Not saying I am become a socialist so have no fear but I guess I can relate a bit better I had my first tour of the hospital and it took everything for me not to breakdown. Right now in Cambodia it is rainy season so misquotes are out and the rate at which dungay fever is hitting is really high this year so the hospital does not have enough beds which are all children right now so you just walk around and there is all these really young kids lying out on wooden beds and fly’s are all over them but it does not seem to really phase them maybe this is just something that I see because I am American, anyways the reason I bring up Che is because it hard not to look at one’s self or the class difference even with in the country and just really reflect on life it self. From that you might think the hospital care is poor here but its not so there is a lot they offer however most of it is supported though ngo’s and I think most of the ngo’s from what I can tell thus far go to pregnant women. There are no tax’s in Cambodian in fact there are no set prices either so I asked the chef health director of the district how will Cambodia be able to pay for this when the ngos leave he just said that they will but slowly but I don’t know where they would get the money with out ngos so I feel they will forever be dependent on foreign and outside help considering that 100 percent of funds for hospital care come from out side help. There system seems pretty efficient from what they have shown us thus far its all about population per capita size so there is big hospitals to local ones to village ones then there is one beneath that which I cant remember the name for however most cases can not be handled by the village which is considered on a scale one or two at that level they do not have blood, electricity in many places so the people must go to a bigger hospital or as they call it a referral hospital. The referral for where I am staying in prey chore is pretty big and the chef has helped my group of health volunteers a lot I felt very vip he set so many things up for us. After the tour he provided us with yesterday he invited us to a special event on dunge fever and though some peace corps scheduling shuffling the health volunteers were able to attend. We all thought we would be going to this event learn and maybe interact with some people but turns out if you get to show up with 6 Americans in Cambodia you are famous so we went from guest to honoree guest and had to sit up on stage with the A.D.B (Asian development bank) which put together for months this whole education for the public so needless to say we felt sort of like okay we show up and get to sit up on stage with people who did all this work. So far this whole experience has made me really want to do as much as I can while I serve in Cambodia when ever I start to think why am I squatting to pee haha sort of feeling I just think all the Cambodian people have been though and it makes me stop victimizing my self pretty quick.
Welcome to the freak show!
Since arriving in Cambodia it’s pretty much been whoo why is the American hear the American can eat rice and say some khmer. Now that im in a small village this has gone to levels I cannot even explain. I will take you back to yesterday night I try to make attempts just to sit with my host mom and dad even if I cant speak to them while doing this I was making flash cards for me to learn the la and before I know it they had all the neighbors over to watch me because they thought it was so funny that I can write so fast in eng so I did this for 30 mins like people paid for a show or something. I know your thinking could this getting any more awkward… well it did around 7:30 I always try to get to my room so I can be alone so I just mimic sleep however every time I do this my host mom mimics back at me bucket shower and I always try to explain I bucket shower in the morning. Well now I understand why this happens every night one of the girls next store speaks some eng and so my host mom went and got her and so naturally the rest of the neighbors followed to ask me why do I only take one shower (in my head do I smell or something like wtf). I was like umm how to answer this to them so I told the girl speaking eng I get dry skin bc I was not very sure if this was normal or it was my host mom so I was like side note ask my lcf (the guys who is teaching me khmer). So sure enough I found out this is customary that it’s a sign of respect for guest that they try to let guest take 5-bucket showers a day!!! I was thinking that for one a place with out running water would want to conserve water but I guess not so now I have to debate is it worth the time and energy to please my host mom and bucket shower 2 times a day at least its not 5! A little about my host family it is just a couple who I think have two sons from the little I can communicate one is a dr I think they have grandchildren making them grandparents. I have electricity which is nice both my host mom and dad are really nice I think everything I do makes them laugh im pretty ok with that just trying not to leave the impression of Americans are dirty. No running water the whole squatting toilet thing is somewhat of a challenge but once you just do it I guess that cherry is popped and its not so bad after no lie aimining is not as easy as I thought sorry if that’s to much information your squat over that hole has to be just right or it will get everywhere so for now my technique is to hold it until I am at home and then just have a skirt on so I don’t have to worry about messing up my pants or underwear. Even though I have only been gone a week it feels like no like 6 months my day is packed with so much I wake up well all hours of the night but officially at 6:15 (even though my host mom starts to bang rugs outside my window what I think is 4 am) I have to get breakfast which is always somewhat of a long process since they don’t understand me then off to la class for 4 hours then I get a lunch break after lunch I have to meet with my health group to learn about that stuff and all the happening’s in Cambodia this is my favorite part of the day but that’s bc I know enough about this were la is my biggest struggle. Pretty much my whole day I have to re teach my self everything I knew its like I am a child all over again which is fun because of all the wonderment I get to see in the world and frustrating bc its really like I know nothing and have no say really in what I do.