I am counting down the days until I get to see all of your
faces =) I still have so much to do but as I am sitting on my lunch break at
work I am thinking about my experience in Cambodia and how sometimes my ideals have
been put to the test. While living in the village I was challenged to grow to
understand true poverty so much so that maybe at some points I have diluted myself
into thinking that I can relate and maybe is some ways I can but my American privilege
will always keep me in a spectators roles bc even though I was “Living” it I
could never really live it bc I will always have away out and the people I was
living with will never have that. However it has been my time in Phnom Penh that
has forced me to realize this in a much deeper way because in the village it is
me and Khmer nationals where in Phnom Penh for the first time on a daily based
I get to see how the class system truly thrives between Khmer people and
expats. I don’t know how to begin this next segment of what’s running through
my mind but it goes something like this I told myself that I needed to
diversify my friends now that I am in the city I should have expat friends not
just Khmer friends. However after coming out village life I really did not know
where to start add that with the compounding factor of I still did not have a
paid job and my volunteer work was in an all Khmer organization than the
weekends I went to class with all Khmer student my interaction with the expat
class was severely limited. For a while before
my land lord got all pissy I did host couch surfers a lot and that made me feel
I was trying and it was working but once that stopped the only thing I really
had left was my roommate Liz’s coworkers who are all teaching eng at what is
considered the best eng school in Cambodia. Most of them are European and not American
this is not all that important except this does add to the class system in
which most not all of the bonding experience in this group when I have gone out
with them is bitching about either Khmer culture American culture and then
comparing it to mostly British culture. On a side note I just found out that
the map of the world that I have always seen in American text books is not a standardized
map they use in Europe in fact the one in Britain they make themselves the center
of the world I find this amusing. Anyways so most of my days are spent around Khmer
people and I would never think to myself in a superior way and either would
most expats even though the shit they say states otherwise. The thing about
hanging out with this particular group of people is they see class and I think
really feel there are rules to be followed and people who you can and cannot interacted
with. So while I by deff make it into the same class as them based on my up
bring edu wealth etc I am excluded bc I break the class rules by allowing
people who they view as having no class into a dinner party or an event these
just so happen to be Khmer nationals who don’t make the cut. They will act very
friendly to a seller or a driver but those people get made fun of at their
dinner parties or various outings as not knowing bank or saying blank wearing
blank… as if there ever is a right way of being except I think in some part of
the culture the expat normative concepts takes over even when the group is the
minority group in the situation but somehow there wealth dilutes them into
thinking that they can set the normative tone in Khmer culture. I should also
mention expats in Cambodia have a shelf life of about 6 months to a year and
they leave a very few stick around but for the most part there in and out so it’s a
lot of effort to make new way of expat friends every 6 months. Well so I shake
up the class divide bc I don’t just say hello and fake smile at the sellers in
part bc I lived with a family of seller for two years I know how to joke around
and have actual relationships with sellers to the point where I can invite them
out and it does not phase me to invite them to some expat dinner party until I get
there and realize they don’t want to control their serotyping behavior. This is
what bring me to my current state of mind wondering how much class should
impact my relationships with people I mean I really believe in equality and
ending oppression but do I live my life like that for real? I was thinking
about that sex and the city episode when the case system gets brought up bc the
lawyer in the show starts to date a bar tender and the word working class gets
brought up and then comes the you can’t pretend we live in a classless system
when we do and then a shot of the Asian women painting there feet. I can say at
least in my family there is a concept of class for instances if I started to
date certain minorities it would be a topic of conversation or if the person
was of the right color skin but lacked an education I would get asked how will
they support themselves what can you really have in common with someone who is
blank. The thing is though while in my mind we have a class system in American,
Cambodia and worldwide I feel that in our current state of the social media revolution
or even globalization to some extent all of us especially myself will be forced
in one way or another to go outside our small circle of normalcy’s and maybe
have to face class “disparities” so to speak differently. In some ways I am
stronger person since being in Cambodia bc I have been an outsider and insider
and everything in between and its helped me to maybe push class boundaries and
force some people to meet the “Khmer other” though I’m still not quite sure
people in the expat subgroup of people are ready to really understand the level of
poverty that there seller faces or there driver bc that would make them have to
start to realize their own privilege in life and well it’s not easy to do, to
see how your actions maybe oppressing someone else. I can say that first acknowledging
and accepting my American privilege has been an uphill challenge bc I keep
going all over the place in my mind about it and now that I am single it’s made
me think more so about the divide if I end up finding someone in a developing
country like Cambodia most likely our classes will not be the same it would be
one thing for me to get over that concept but what about the rest of the world
it would be a constant battle to be allowed to “sit at the front of the bus
together” not that I mean to use sex and the city as a real time reference but
in the end the lawyer marries the bar tender and in the show they make it seem
like people and the couple learns to accept it but in real life I don’t think
things would go so smoothly. In the show no one talks behind the couples back
about why they are even together but in real life I have seen it once that
couple leaves the room it will get brought up. The complexities of society really
baffle me some times but the things that keeps me at ease is that I realize
that society and the rules are always changing (however slowly) so while being
a crusader/activist by going against the norms it what has to happen for things
to change. Well see you in a few weeks peace out from the other side of the
world!!!!!!!!!
