More Then Meets the Eye

I saw this and thought about gender expectations and how sometimes it really is like what Atticus Finich have to walk a mile in someones shoes. Think about all the people we have ignored because they did not meet some social ideal. I think I myself have had a few break down moments when I realized how my own brain washing has caused me to make people invisible anyways this is clip just sort of made me want to repost. 

happy we got the british out of america day!

Well I guess we had another 4^th of July and fyi living overseas believe me when I say that the Brits are still hostile about us throwing that tea over board haha. Im sure they are just sad bc almost every country has a freedom from the UK but what do they get nada. I played with some sparklers and that was about it the embassy has 5 dollar tickets but there is to many people and not enough food for the 5 bucks.  On other good news I got my camera working again so I will soon to have a million new pics to share with you all of my new office etc.  o right its presidential elections in Cambodia and I can fully heartily admit USA elections r crazy in their own way Cambodia has a whole different kind of crazy! For ex only the ruling party has space to set up events so the opposition parties are forced to be on the move all the time so there are like 1000 kids n moto’s with flags representing their party in oncoming traffic and when u on a bike and they come at u the best way I can describe it to you guys it’s like that part in the lion king when Siba and his dad on in the stampede.  The whacked out thing is that the current ruling party pays university students 10 dollars a day to stand on the side of the rd so the party looks cool hip etc and all of the parties go around blasting music but the ruling party has the most money so they seem to have I kid u not trucks with movie screens on them playing music videos of the current president. I should also not delude u to think any of this is a fair election however all the parties do try to gain votes im pretty sure the current party has to win and yeah there is an or else. In the papers it’s been stated by the current ruling party president if he loses there will be civil war it will be all the CNRP fault (that’s the most popular party) anyways I just thought bc CPP (the current ruling party) has been in power for the past 20 years they sort of had his in the bag however the stuff coming out in the papers r all the threats the current P.M is making is as if he is nervous and im not sure I understand why. It also goes without saying u do not want to be an ngo or work in the gov and not support the cpp im pretty for what I understand u can lose ur job esp if u r in the gov and don’t help run the campaign. As for the war I don’t see it actually happening bc I really don’t think cpp will lose (too much corruption at the voting booth) however incase to ease ur minds I will leave Phnom Penh for the weekend of the election bc that’s where all the military is however poor Cambodians really think that if that happens that America will send in our military to uphold democracy.  Though we did get free of the press back in Cambodia VOA VOICE OF AMERICA is a huge radio station in Cambodia esp in the village level and the ruling party kicked them out a week ago for the month of the elections and the US Embassy I think said no more funding blah blah and two days later VOA and all other foreign press was allowed back in it should be noted that Khmer press is owned by the current party so the only way to get a fair balance of news is though things like the VOA my host dad loves the VOA when I lived with him he used to tell me all sorts of things and ask me questions and when he realized VOA had a web site would make me go online. Well ill stop with the political update bc I have some stories about the cream of wheat guy which know u all love to read about! Okay so I may have mention that im not sure if he is mentally challenged or messing with me it goes back and forth bc im always so unsure but now im back on the though process that he is messing with my head. So the other day he updates on his Skype that he is in Cambodia now im like wtf is this real or not I don’t know??? The thing about him though is I can’t ask him bc if he is messing with my head that’s what he wants me to do bait me to see if ill flip out it’s like the longest game of war I have ever played with someone anyways then he tries to call me but im at work so I don’t pick up and bc I have skype plus even if im not on I can get voicemail messages but he did not know this so he did not know that I would know he called basically all I heard in my voicemail was click click. Now im thinking why is he calling me unless he is already in Cambodia so now I have to call my host sister to warn her and to warn jentu as well bc he hated jentu and I dunno could see him trying to pull something with her as well. I already had plans to go to the village for a day bc it was my host moms bday so I thought I can figure out more when im there.  Side the bday party was fun the thing about my host mom is I think she encourages me to do things that r not culturally normal but things she has wanted to do in her life. Well in between the next interaction I had with cream of wheat guy my host grandmamma died of what exactly not sure this is what I can guess maybe she had hpv that turned into uterus cancer that then spread to her bones this is all a guess though based on what they told me her symptoms were. I sort of felt like the whole her dyeing was a freak show I don’t think my description will do it justices but she has been really sick for a month I guess it got really bad this past Friday so every single older person in the village with all these monks persist spend 24 hours a day at my host grandmamma house. Meanwhile the day that she died they take out her ivy which I told them not to bc she was going to be in pain but they were like no this will help her die I knew that was wrong. I also don’t think they moved her since the last time I was there so she just had a blood clot pooling in her forehead it was a bit much to see. Then in Cambodian culture you give money to family to help with the funeral when I went to give them money bc she was still alive they made me put the money in her hand which was also a bit much. I went back and from my house to my g-mamas house at one point im sitting down with a bunch of monks who are writing on a chalk board predicting the future I thought it was for the old lady talking to him but no it turns out they were trying to predict when my g-mama was going to die (the monk was wrong he said Monday but it was Sunday night at 10pm). Meanwhile there are rows of chairs lined up with people just sort of looking on like a show of someone about to die. I left for the last time bc I realized the likelihood that she was going to chock on her own fluids and die really slowly bc I asked if they were going to give her meds to put her to sleep and they were like no we don’t have any. That’s when I knew that’s was too much for me to handle and they were not getting the things I was asking them. Well in between my visits to the sideshow I go online to see if we could get in touch with Jenta my host sister living in Korea when cream of wheat guy calls me. I debated not answering it however the game plan was to see where he was I am pretty sure he is not in Cambodia now but not positive. He just went on and on about how he is looking at Chinese women online that he wants a new wife once again I debate how stupid can he be?!?! There is no way the us gov will let him have a foreign wife anyways he is doing this shit bc he was convinced with his big ego that jentee would miss him first but she is so over him that she thinks its funny how desperate he is. Then he brought up these annoying wedding pics to send them to my dad’s house I’ll get them when I am home but then he is like well I have other pics to ill give u as if he has creepy pics I dunno this guy has a few screws loose. The rest of my weekend was spent in class im taking a class on the impact of education in society its been interesting its has prompted me to read about America and education it’s called academically adrift im only on chapter 3 but its address the major gaps in higher education and labor market etc. well till next time peace out from the other side of the world!

JOB/FSE/CREAM OF WHEAT/ELECTIONS

Wow I know it’s been months in part bc I was getting my act together anyways I got a real job I know shocker. I have to say I am not sure how I like working 8-5:30 in an office every day I like to work outside but this is what pays the bills plus I have medical insurances so now if I get sick I don’t have to hope Buddha will take care of me hehe jk. I work as a monitor and evaluation and resource mobilization coordinator for the learning institute which is a research ngo they also work on programs all related to natural resource management. What this means is I am become very knowledgeable in the environment and policies related to land in Cambodia I actually no more Cambodian laws in this area then America ironic.  Anyways I am learning a lot and have a lot of things I need to get done in this job roles I am the only foreigner so it’s all Khmer staff which means somehow I am also in charge of editing reports in eng I know reading this makes you laugh out loud. I don’t know enough about staff dynamics yet to report much there are two younger girls who share the office with me they seem to really get along and have been very nice to me. I have not had to much contact with the director but I am supposed to work closely with him as well for various aspects of my job.  In between my lunch I have managed to fit in Khmer lessons which is helpful however I am sort of overrun with so many other things  it’s hard to allow my brain to absorb it all. My first week they had me attend this workshop on access to clean energy from a gender perspective (I got a certificate) I know enough about gender concepts related to develop however they taught us it all from a rights based approach which I honestly have never really don’t before so it was informative plus I met good connects including a solar power ngo. Aside from work I have been still getting my MDS on the weekends so no free time =( but I have made a really good friend so we hang out a lot and it does not feel like I completely lose the weekend. Though this past month has sort of sucked bc we have been learning stata this data entry software and in the kingdom of wonder you cannot buy a license copy and all the boot leg copies r for windows not mac so it’s been hard to understand what is going on so this class has caused me to spent hours on home work and reports. I still have no idea how I will fund my thesis but we will be starting to focus on this more this summer. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up but I decided to take the Foreign Service exam the US gov will arrest me if I talk too much about the test (now that I know the drones are watching) best avoid the topic ha-ha. I will not know for a 5 weeks how I did however the grammar section was quite hard for me but I felt confident with us treaties and history. Further still even if I pass this part there is 2 more steps to the process and then after that a waiting list for up to 18 months so it could be over 3 years be4 I would become an actual diplomat assuming I pass all the stages. If some are you want to know why I want to join I can say this I do think freedom of people is important and the concepts of democracy etc be4 it has been controlled I think is a standard I would like to live by. Living in Cambodia makes me realize how important democracy is for development and human right speaking up its voting season. Since im sure America is missing this it’s the president elections hear and when a certain someone is a dictator and not president well it creates problems.  Ex this past week two opposition parties formed together in hopes to have a better chance to win well theses members that are in the national assembly (similar congress except know one votes them in) have been kicked out further more they said something to the effect that Vietnam was behind Khmer rouge on national assembly letter head now promoting a new law and I guess the arrest of these members. Furthermore the opposition party leader sam ramsey (he has been in ex communication from Cambodia bc the current leader has charged him to like 200 life sentences) has come out to say that the current actions to kick out all the opposition from national assembly will lead to a civil war the current leader claims that if there is a war that it will be the oppositions fault. My take well not enough people will up rise there will not be a civil war this election and the status quo will remain. All I can say is the lack of separation of gov in every spear in this country is absolute corruption. Well enough on politics let’s get into Khmer family gossip you will not believe who called me last week….the cream of wheat guy!!! On Skype no less which means I had to look at his face and stay calm it was hard but I managed. Well if you need a catch up my host sister broke up with him 3 months ago I thought we were in the clear with his craziness but turns out no…I would be interested to hear your takes on the following conversation. Okay so he informs me that he has not talked to my sister but as their wedding pictures does she want them I happen to know she does so I tell him yes to send them but then he says no I don’t trust the postal service. Why that is odd is bc he sent her cards and things all the time be4 so I know something is up and I say well how do u want to send it then boom craziness comes out of his mouth ill just fly back to Cambodia to give them to her me (wtf!!!) Okay when are you coming back to Cambodia him o Feb of next year. I’m still thinking who pays 2 grand to give someone wedding pic when they had no money to visit for 4 years of their marriage well I decided to tell him that my host sister would never agree to meet him I also tell him that he owes my host mom 4 grand (she as been on me to email him for money since they split but I just lied and said he changed his email phone etc bc I thought pointless to ever speak to him again). I took this as a sign from the universe to try to get her money back which I still will not hold my breath. He is still dense and thinks everyone in that family is stupid and he is superior so he pretty much laughs that she can do nothing to him so I can tell her basically to forget it (mean while my host mom has told me in the past if he comes back to Cambodia she wants the police to arrest him).  Then he goes on some long rant how he can get around phnom penh by himself and that he would stay in a hotel and no one would know where he was staying blah blah but then goes back to my host sister meeting him in his hotel (which means she would know where he is staying lmao) unless he plans t have to different places he is staying at anyways to give her the wedding pics. FYI for all the worried readers out their over my dead body is she meeting him anywhere especially not in a hotel room bc that does not have rape or kidnapping written all over it. Does he think im stupid or something I wonder but I think he is up to something shady if he plans to come all the way back to Cambodia I just wonder what his plan is? I play very matter of fact with him so I never raise my voice or tell him he is wrong stupid that’s left for this blog =) it is bc of this he tells me things he should not but yet again I don’t know if he is playing 48 laws of power on me. I guess I should mention my host mom does not know all of this happened bc she would be pretty upset so I just called my host sister only bc I did not want her picking up any phone calls from America in case it was him of course she was more pissed then sad and I guess worried. So any ways moral of all of this cream of wheat guy contacted me and is up to something not good. This post is way to long so I will let you all go and hope to catch you all up with more stories soon. Peace out from the other side of the world.

wordle cv

pics life events post peace corps

merry xmas its smiling at me...a christmas story

a korea monk couch surfing for a few days

the king is being cremated tom all monks in cambodia do this for a day

trekking to the waterfall wooo

me messing around at the waterfall!

happy chinese new years! year of the snake any one come to work with this for a snack? 

wow time fly's 26! nothing like having a kids bday party to keep you young.

this was our record 6 couch surfers at once from all over the world amazing group dynamics!

we will not be moved

I am constantly having to reevaluate what is development more so now that in in a college setting this is an example of something that is close to the apt i rent where economic development comes at the cost of its people. below are some pics i have taken.

Where I am At...

Ahhh im soo horrible at keeping up with this blog now which is ironic bc I live in the city now and have access to electricity and internet 24 hours. So my life is in a transition state for 2013 what that means for me im not quite sure but I feel a lot is about to change for me in what I hope will be a good way! However before I go on about my current job etc I want to tell you some astounding news… my host sister finally gets it she does not want to go to America and does not want to see her husband ever again this means that my service was not a waste I got though to one human being and changed there life and prevented a life time of abuse! After this realization on her part I have been trying to spend a lot of time with her to help her though this for the next steps and to help make sure she does not end up in another abusive relationship I feel I will continue to work with her but step one to change is realizing the need to change!  I am working as a consultant for project evaluation, baseline survey etc as well as a few other things on top of this im still volunteering for CWPD where I go into the office this past weekend I went out surveying with them on clean water apparently coca cola gave them funding to build wells really close to my village. The staff at cwpd did not get that I lived in a village until I went out with them and stopped by my house until then I kept getting asked question like how do I feel when I see the real Cambodia all I could do was laugh as the real Cambodia is just 2 years of my life the question they should be asking is how do I feel about living in phnom penh. Due to how much time has lapsed from my last blog I will have to just give u bullet points of everything else I guess if you want more details you will have to skype me. I have been in grad school for a full quarter about to start a new quarter this weekend my class mates have a lot of experience and I think they get along with me well there is one other foreigner in my class from Spain he is in his late 40s so basically im the only fluent Eng. speaker which we all joke around about they think I should speak khmenglish whenever possible. Its also funny because we got put into groups for projects my group members have had to be around me quite a bit so they know me well enough to ask for things in khmer but the rest of the class thinks this is funny when they see it all happen. My poltics and government class was extremely eye opening I have learned so much about Cambodian gov thanks to this class I sort of think its cool that I get to learn history etc though another countries eyes I mean even when I studied about French history in college it just is not the same to much of an American options get tossed around in the teacher. You know in Cambodia they refer to the Vietnam war as a world war 2 I found this interesting concept since to them it makes sense but to me I always think ww2 Hitler vs the world okay. Anyways of course I had my doubts about getting a master in Cambodia of all places but its like I get a trouble edu one in development and now ill be an expert or highly studied in south east Asian studies it’s a win win. However I should mention that there still is corruption at the university level with the teacher’s ill skip going into details but my class mates love to remind me there are spies all over the place. It has been i like to think good for the students to have both American input and Spanish input I know having a European perspective has been insightful for me. I also have changed class room dynamics which I also like to think is good student in Cambodia tend to be shy to share their ideas however since I don’t know how to be embarrassed (so I have been told) the fact that I talk so much has made it culturally okay for other girls in particular to share there ideas.  I have started to gather research etc for my thesis I am currently looking for away to get money to fund my research this is a down side to studying in Cambodia as what ever is out there is most likely going to go to a Khmer student and not me I called USAID to see if they would support me no such luck.  I should mention that me and my roommate Liz started to  host couch surfers however we got so into that we have had to many people and our land lord told us no more =( very sad. Anyways we hosted about 30 people in a 3 month time period and met some amazing souls that have helped me with the whole life transition. A Korean monk stayed with us that was interesting, people traveling around the whole world on a bike they stayed with us for xmas, I met a long island who spent his life in Nepal he was in his 60s I think r oldest surfer but he was funny he still had an ny accent despite living in Asia for the 30 plus years, pretty much people from all walks of life who really just shared so much with us I hope to meet many of them again on my travels. I highly recommend that if you have a free couch or room in America to get ur self an account ill be ur reference so they know ur not a creep and host people when they travel if you cant see the world bring the world to ur house =) I even got my dad to sign up and he was surprised at how much he likes it. O yeah I turned 26!!! I not closer to 30 then 20 its odd feeling o well age is just a number its all about the state of mind and I feel like im in no rush as I sort of like where my life is headed currently. For my bday I went out to a restaurant with a few friends and then I went back to my friends house and had some jack and coke felt like I was in America haha. It was a good time got to get to know one of my classmates better as she came out with her husband. On my actual bday I went back to the village as my host sister wanted to celebrate with me and so did the kids in the village (they love cake) I made the cake my self bc cake the bakery is not good and they don’t have chocolate the horror I know but u guys will LOVE this my host mom keeps asking me for the recipe and im like its call Betty Crocker in a box but she cant seem to grasp that thing like cake can come in a box pre made for u so she thinks im some sort of baking genius lmao… yea really. Then that night I drank with jentee some more whisky and we had some more talks about life it was a great way to end my 25^th year of life knowing that I can make a difference in someone’s life. Well ill try to post pictures of the last 3 months of my life until next time peace out from the other side of the world!!!