Chbap (law) Srey (woman)

I have been really trying to set up appointments for my projects one of which might have actually finally got me storage and costumes free status with this ngo hospital in pp for my tom shoes ahhhh!!! Soo existed. Then I me and my friend Hannah and markia who is our safety and security officer for peace corps is working with us for our conferences so we got her to come. Anyways we went to meet with this social worker who specialize in domestic violence we got so much great info from her and we are pretty sure she is willing to speak at our conferences! However it was in this meeting I first heard about these cultural codes that they teach in school to children with a little research and of course the Google gods came though and I found it in eng! Which is what is below both for srey girl in Khmer and proh male in Khmer. Both the lady we met with and markia kept bring these codes up for reason behind so many things and I was so very confused until I read them from what I gathered from their convo the mens codes are not followed but the srey code must be followed for a Khmer woman to be a good wife ill let you read it before adding my comments also hear is the link to the male one bc I have no idea if my blog can handle something this long. http://carpediemilia.over-blog.com/article-22410350.html

Chbap (law) Srey (woman),

Phouchhong leelia! (A kind of melody)

This is Phouchhong Leelia and we made it into the rule for girls

When (name of the princess) went away with her husband whose name was

"bongyaksa" (yaksa = giant/powerful person)

Queen Vithmolia" who is the mother said "My dear daughter"

You will go with your husband to the Dragon World

You should remember to serve your husband

Don't make him unsatisfied

Don't look down on the owner of the head (means don't touch your husband's head)

My dearest daughter, no matter how poor you are, follow the woman's rules

Don't be so mean to the neighbor and relative

Good position and happiness come from women

Being a woman, no matter what you say, don't be (leh'lah!) talking not serious, not gentle

(Cambodian women are not supposed to talk very much and be shy)

Taking a seat in the wrong place is not suitable for a woman (if you sit in the wrong place you do not deserve to be a woman in Cambodia)

If you don't feel afraid of your husband's feeling and let the other man look down on your husband

We call you a woman who is lack of good characteristic

You should try to do the work like weaving or knitting

Don't delay the work

Before you weave the silk you have to make things ready and then do it

Don't go for a walk at other people's house

Try to work hard and protect yourself since you are a virgin

Because when you have a husband you are busy with your children who are crying, you have never time to do things

Don't keep things complicated otherwise you will lose it

My Dear Daughter remember, don't forget

Please study woman's rule; be respectful to your husband

Serve him well, and keep the three flames

You have to keep the fire burning regularly

Otherwise it will burn you

Don't bring the outside flame into the house and then burn it (refers to not bringing outside problems into the house)

The inside flame, if you are not careful, you will burn it outside (refers to not taking internal problems to people outside)

You have to control your spirit and protect the three flames

This flame will benefit you the best

One flame is to keep the gratitude toward your parents

You have to walk on the way that was paved by your parents and serve your parents well

Try to protect it, give it food as desired (give the parents what they want)

If you are hungry don't keep food to yourself give your parents delicious food regularly

Your words must be polite and any duty must be done regularly and very well

Another flame is your husband who you stay with forever

You should serve well don't make him disappointed

Forgive him in the name of woman; don't speak in the way that you consider him as equal

No matter what happen we have to wait to listen with the bad word (even if he say something bad you have to listen)

Though your husband speaks inappropriately you shouldn't let the mother know

Or your husband will get angry if he hears the bad word from the mother

You are not quiet but chatting so the problem happen everlasting

Confront without stop so no more happiness

Complaining/nagging until everyone in district know the problem so no happiness

This is what we call the three flames that the mother tell the daughter to keep

My dear, no matter what your husband did wrong, I tell you

To be patient, don't say anything without the husband present

Don't curse, don't be the enemy, no matter how poor or stupid you don't look down on him

Though poor or stupid you should advise or say something with good words

No matter what the husband says, angry and cursing, using strong word without ending

Complaining and cursing because husband not pleased

You should be patient with him and calm down your anger

Don't be angry and react bad to the one who is your husband

You get angry without thinking about yourself as a woman

You have to consider yourself as a girl before you use bad words or appear angry

Deny with rude word will ignite the anger (if you use bad words you will make husband angrier)

Stubborn, staring and want to quarrel

Cursing dog and cat, insulting indirectly to hurt the husband feeling (curse the

dog or cat because you are afraid to insult him directly - as a way of insulting him

vicariously through the cat)

Throwing things (without thinking) and then it break,

Trying to do things to make the husband lose (surrender/give in)

Then feel satisfied

We call this woman the woman who ruin the prestige of the family

My Dear Daughter don't do like them they are very wrong

Even though your husband curse, you go to sleep and consider

And you come back with gentle words and solve that problem

What your husband advises you bear in mind (keep in your heart)

Don't forget the husband's word or you may do something wrong because already told

If you don't listen to the order it always creates the quarrelling and then bad reputation and never ending quarrelling happen

We don't consider this as a woman but as useless

This woman use your mouth to suppress the husband by letting other people know that she is better than him (meaning you talk and complain a lot so people will know and not respect your husband)

Because she doesn't use, doesn't let to walk, laugh at

Even though your husband ask you to do things don't be lazy to go

Don't wait regardless near or far distance, get up and go don't let your husband curse you

Don't stay at other people's house long, free or busy, be quick back home

My Dear Daughter it is rarely for the woman

No matter how good physically you are they won't select you if you don't know all the things

You will not be respected; you will be only with bad luck

You are only beautiful but if you know what to do you will be appreciated

One thing you are beautiful that can't be compared to but even a single rule you don't know

You are beautiful but have no idea

Though you are black if you are polite

You know all the good characteristics

It is traditionally called (Kalyan neh) perfect

My Dear Daughter, I want to tell you about the bad luck

If you check your husband's head for lice without doing "sampeah" (the hand palms together)

The monk will consider you as a "sak cock" (big white bird) that perches in the house and this is a symbol that you will lose the property

It is not appropriated to step over your husband, just because you want to be quick

The woman is the same as the small bird that fly away

And then this bird brings about the bad luck, fly in and fly out of the door

Consider it as when you light the fire so that the thief can see your location and take your property - you show the way to the thief

Another kind of girl laughs loudly (so that neighbors of the neighbors can hear you)

If you are this girl we consider you as the bird - sak cho:chat (this kind of bird is different but also brings bad luck when it flies into the village)

Another kind of girl, when she sleeps she turn her back to her husband

This one we consider as a bad snake and it shouldn't be let into the house

It bring bad luck and the couple will separate

The kind of woman who has long hair

She combs her hair at the top/mouth of the well like the executioner and the cat who hides its claws

She is the worst and cannot be compared to anyone (traditionally the woman cannot comb her hair in public because people will think she is trying to attract the man) this woman can comb her hair for one hour (usually it takes short time)

The other kind of woman kicking something loudly

When she walk very loudly they consider her step like a lightening sound so that her samput (skirt) it torn apart

She walks very loudly

So that the houses tremble

The other woman see something on the ground and then she move forward without picking it up (as in tidying it)

In the future she cannot get organized

Then her property will be lost

Even at the meal time she eats in a messy way

My Dear Daughter you have to listen, these are the 10 bad lucks

That you should avoid seven times

That is the Buddha

So after reading this I was like this cant be real so I had to wait for my Khmer tutor to come in and ask him about this and he is like yes we start to learn this in 3^rd grade a little bit at a time. Im like great being submissive is something a girl can learn in school I ask him what he thinks of it… o but it is so beautiful bc it bring harmony to the marriage you know there is a male one. Yes and from what I see men drink and gamble and don’t help cut the wood so I don’t see how this brings equality and harmony to a marriage. Khmer tutor well yes things are changing in Cambodia it was not always okay for the men to sit around and drink they used to have to work or the village would look down on them. humm me but doest it annoy u that they want you as a man to walk around with a knife all the time that you should not waste your time studying eng at university? Or how about that a wife should not talk to her husband as an equal. Khmer tutor thinks for a while well there are some good things to take away from the story you I have them at home I want to re read them and ill bring them to you. Okay well now that I had to drop that convo new topic hey in ur history text book do they have a time line of when got certain rights? Him no the most stuff we have is about the goddess before everything changed have you heard the story about the male and female mt in kp cham… there is a female and male mountain since I don’t want to give u the long version ill tell u the short stories the girls out smarted the men to stop working on the mt so they won the bet that men from then on had to propose for marriage be4 females did that I guess. However my khmer tutor told me that the men were smarter bc they tricked the girls to think they tricked them but the men wants the choice to choose who they wanted to marry since Cambodia does more of an arranged marriages. Well its so crazy to know that this is accepted as okay to so I ask jentee and her sister if they like these codes and jentee starts to joke with me that she does not like the black and blue eyes and started to punched her self to make sure I understood and I was like great you get punched in the face if you don’t follow these laws. Sigh I have so much gender equality education to deal with in Cambodia and it has become a main focus but I have to fight cultural norms that have been around from bc I don’t know if I can penetrate them so sad. Anyways till next time peace out from the other side of the world.