Chbap (law) Srey (woman)

I have been really trying to set up appointments for my projects one of which might have actually finally got me storage and costumes free status with this ngo hospital in pp for my tom shoes ahhhh!!! Soo existed. Then I me and my friend Hannah and markia who is our safety and security officer for peace corps is working with us for our conferences so we got her to come. Anyways we went to meet with this social worker who specialize in domestic violence we got so much great info from her and we are pretty sure she is willing to speak at our conferences! However it was in this meeting I first heard about these cultural codes that they teach in school to children with a little research and of course the Google gods came though and I found it in eng! Which is what is below both for srey girl in Khmer and proh male in Khmer. Both the lady we met with and markia kept bring these codes up for reason behind so many things and I was so very confused until I read them from what I gathered from their convo the mens codes are not followed but the srey code must be followed for a Khmer woman to be a good wife ill let you read it before adding my comments also hear is the link to the male one bc I have no idea if my blog can handle something this long. http://carpediemilia.over-blog.com/article-22410350.html

Chbap (law) Srey (woman),

Phouchhong leelia! (A kind of melody)

This is Phouchhong Leelia and we made it into the rule for girls

When (name of the princess) went away with her husband whose name was

"bongyaksa" (yaksa = giant/powerful person)

Queen Vithmolia" who is the mother said "My dear daughter"

You will go with your husband to the Dragon World

You should remember to serve your husband

Don't make him unsatisfied

Don't look down on the owner of the head (means don't touch your husband's head)

My dearest daughter, no matter how poor you are, follow the woman's rules

Don't be so mean to the neighbor and relative

Good position and happiness come from women

Being a woman, no matter what you say, don't be (leh'lah!) talking not serious, not gentle

(Cambodian women are not supposed to talk very much and be shy)

Taking a seat in the wrong place is not suitable for a woman (if you sit in the wrong place you do not deserve to be a woman in Cambodia)

If you don't feel afraid of your husband's feeling and let the other man look down on your husband

We call you a woman who is lack of good characteristic

You should try to do the work like weaving or knitting

Don't delay the work

Before you weave the silk you have to make things ready and then do it

Don't go for a walk at other people's house

Try to work hard and protect yourself since you are a virgin

Because when you have a husband you are busy with your children who are crying, you have never time to do things

Don't keep things complicated otherwise you will lose it

My Dear Daughter remember, don't forget

Please study woman's rule; be respectful to your husband

Serve him well, and keep the three flames

You have to keep the fire burning regularly

Otherwise it will burn you

Don't bring the outside flame into the house and then burn it (refers to not bringing outside problems into the house)

The inside flame, if you are not careful, you will burn it outside (refers to not taking internal problems to people outside)

You have to control your spirit and protect the three flames

This flame will benefit you the best

One flame is to keep the gratitude toward your parents

You have to walk on the way that was paved by your parents and serve your parents well

Try to protect it, give it food as desired (give the parents what they want)

If you are hungry don't keep food to yourself give your parents delicious food regularly

Your words must be polite and any duty must be done regularly and very well

Another flame is your husband who you stay with forever

You should serve well don't make him disappointed

Forgive him in the name of woman; don't speak in the way that you consider him as equal

No matter what happen we have to wait to listen with the bad word (even if he say something bad you have to listen)

Though your husband speaks inappropriately you shouldn't let the mother know

Or your husband will get angry if he hears the bad word from the mother

You are not quiet but chatting so the problem happen everlasting

Confront without stop so no more happiness

Complaining/nagging until everyone in district know the problem so no happiness

This is what we call the three flames that the mother tell the daughter to keep

My dear, no matter what your husband did wrong, I tell you

To be patient, don't say anything without the husband present

Don't curse, don't be the enemy, no matter how poor or stupid you don't look down on him

Though poor or stupid you should advise or say something with good words

No matter what the husband says, angry and cursing, using strong word without ending

Complaining and cursing because husband not pleased

You should be patient with him and calm down your anger

Don't be angry and react bad to the one who is your husband

You get angry without thinking about yourself as a woman

You have to consider yourself as a girl before you use bad words or appear angry

Deny with rude word will ignite the anger (if you use bad words you will make husband angrier)

Stubborn, staring and want to quarrel

Cursing dog and cat, insulting indirectly to hurt the husband feeling (curse the

dog or cat because you are afraid to insult him directly - as a way of insulting him

vicariously through the cat)

Throwing things (without thinking) and then it break,

Trying to do things to make the husband lose (surrender/give in)

Then feel satisfied

We call this woman the woman who ruin the prestige of the family

My Dear Daughter don't do like them they are very wrong

Even though your husband curse, you go to sleep and consider

And you come back with gentle words and solve that problem

What your husband advises you bear in mind (keep in your heart)

Don't forget the husband's word or you may do something wrong because already told

If you don't listen to the order it always creates the quarrelling and then bad reputation and never ending quarrelling happen

We don't consider this as a woman but as useless

This woman use your mouth to suppress the husband by letting other people know that she is better than him (meaning you talk and complain a lot so people will know and not respect your husband)

Because she doesn't use, doesn't let to walk, laugh at

Even though your husband ask you to do things don't be lazy to go

Don't wait regardless near or far distance, get up and go don't let your husband curse you

Don't stay at other people's house long, free or busy, be quick back home

My Dear Daughter it is rarely for the woman

No matter how good physically you are they won't select you if you don't know all the things

You will not be respected; you will be only with bad luck

You are only beautiful but if you know what to do you will be appreciated

One thing you are beautiful that can't be compared to but even a single rule you don't know

You are beautiful but have no idea

Though you are black if you are polite

You know all the good characteristics

It is traditionally called (Kalyan neh) perfect

My Dear Daughter, I want to tell you about the bad luck

If you check your husband's head for lice without doing "sampeah" (the hand palms together)

The monk will consider you as a "sak cock" (big white bird) that perches in the house and this is a symbol that you will lose the property

It is not appropriated to step over your husband, just because you want to be quick

The woman is the same as the small bird that fly away

And then this bird brings about the bad luck, fly in and fly out of the door

Consider it as when you light the fire so that the thief can see your location and take your property - you show the way to the thief

Another kind of girl laughs loudly (so that neighbors of the neighbors can hear you)

If you are this girl we consider you as the bird - sak cho:chat (this kind of bird is different but also brings bad luck when it flies into the village)

Another kind of girl, when she sleeps she turn her back to her husband

This one we consider as a bad snake and it shouldn't be let into the house

It bring bad luck and the couple will separate

The kind of woman who has long hair

She combs her hair at the top/mouth of the well like the executioner and the cat who hides its claws

She is the worst and cannot be compared to anyone (traditionally the woman cannot comb her hair in public because people will think she is trying to attract the man) this woman can comb her hair for one hour (usually it takes short time)

The other kind of woman kicking something loudly

When she walk very loudly they consider her step like a lightening sound so that her samput (skirt) it torn apart

She walks very loudly

So that the houses tremble

The other woman see something on the ground and then she move forward without picking it up (as in tidying it)

In the future she cannot get organized

Then her property will be lost

Even at the meal time she eats in a messy way

My Dear Daughter you have to listen, these are the 10 bad lucks

That you should avoid seven times

That is the Buddha

So after reading this I was like this cant be real so I had to wait for my Khmer tutor to come in and ask him about this and he is like yes we start to learn this in 3^rd grade a little bit at a time. Im like great being submissive is something a girl can learn in school I ask him what he thinks of it… o but it is so beautiful bc it bring harmony to the marriage you know there is a male one. Yes and from what I see men drink and gamble and don’t help cut the wood so I don’t see how this brings equality and harmony to a marriage. Khmer tutor well yes things are changing in Cambodia it was not always okay for the men to sit around and drink they used to have to work or the village would look down on them. humm me but doest it annoy u that they want you as a man to walk around with a knife all the time that you should not waste your time studying eng at university? Or how about that a wife should not talk to her husband as an equal. Khmer tutor thinks for a while well there are some good things to take away from the story you I have them at home I want to re read them and ill bring them to you. Okay well now that I had to drop that convo new topic hey in ur history text book do they have a time line of when got certain rights? Him no the most stuff we have is about the goddess before everything changed have you heard the story about the male and female mt in kp cham… there is a female and male mountain since I don’t want to give u the long version ill tell u the short stories the girls out smarted the men to stop working on the mt so they won the bet that men from then on had to propose for marriage be4 females did that I guess. However my khmer tutor told me that the men were smarter bc they tricked the girls to think they tricked them but the men wants the choice to choose who they wanted to marry since Cambodia does more of an arranged marriages. Well its so crazy to know that this is accepted as okay to so I ask jentee and her sister if they like these codes and jentee starts to joke with me that she does not like the black and blue eyes and started to punched her self to make sure I understood and I was like great you get punched in the face if you don’t follow these laws. Sigh I have so much gender equality education to deal with in Cambodia and it has become a main focus but I have to fight cultural norms that have been around from bc I don’t know if I can penetrate them so sad. Anyways till next time peace out from the other side of the world.

GETTING OLDER IS BETTER THEN THE ALTERNATIVE!

In the great words of I have no idea who getting older is a privilege not a right so thanks for all the facebook messages and phone calls for my 24^th bday.!!! I think its good to reflect on each year and how it differs seeing growth progress with my human development so my 23^rd year of life in review before I go on into details about my bday festivities. Well 23 is what I like to refer to my year of adjustment not just because I moved to Cambodia actually that was easier then having to graduate college and get thrown out in the American world of establishing a career in my line of study. One good thing about having a boyfriend older then my self is to relaying on his years of wisdoms and I was warned about that year after graduating college and learning to start to accept that it will never be the same again and I guess I cant fight that so I lucked out in getting to live in Cambodia vs having to go though the slow process of adjusting to American life instead I get a quick hard hit of a new culture. Now that I am 24 I can tell you what I predict I feel like im no longer young but not 25 which is more the officle adult age where your career is supposed to gel together lol or whatever society put standards on 25 however 24 I feel will be actually “fitting into your own skin” sort of deal I have had to change and evolve etc over and over but I feel like this the year I will get to feel like my life makes more senses or that I don’t have to rush to the next step bc the wave im riding is long so its all good. Now that I confused you all with my thoughts I will go onto things which you want to hear about my bday party so I deiced not to have an American friends bday party but to make it as Khmer as possible this is for many reason one in which some of the people I hang out on an everyday bases or people who I consider my best friends get way to nervous around lots of Americans. Then from my own viewpoint sort of think first bday in Cambodia mine as well make it as Khmer as possible and that I did! So Saturday I had a few people come into pp and eat at a family style Khmer place more upscale though then the average Khmer family place bought some liquor and we all just chilled it was a good time however I was spending the night at my friends and bc most apts in pp put pad locks on the door after 9 at night we had to be back pretty early.  There was downer to my bday party jentee did not come so I was pretty upset with her bc I offered to pay for her taxi to come in then this guy from site offered to come and drive a moto in so I was like great so I really thought she was coming. Well Saturday in the ams she calls me to bail sigh I cant be that mad bc she was busy right now she has to sell a lot of stuff I guess I was more annoyed at her situation. She is my best friend as you all know in Cambodia so I have really blunt convos with her and maybe sometimes I can even admit their not culturally sensitive bc I have reached the point with her that ill just let her know what Im thinking.  Everyday she gets up to make Khmer noodles and curry and sell watermelon all so her brother can go to school of course bc she is a girl her family saw no point in sending her to school so this frustrates me to no end and she is always like I want to help my mom cook. Im like yes I get that but why doest your brother help you mom cook o he does not know how so her brother comes home on weekends and drinks his life away and never helps so the fact she could not come in for a few hours mean while her brother gets to do whatever he wants makes me down right pissed off!!!! Well the night of my actual bday me and her hung out and drank together it was a good time she told me she was sorry she could not come to my party blah whatever I knew I would get over it but I just wanted her to escape her life for a few hours but I didn’t get my way. Bday are really uncommon in Cambodia most people don’t even know the day they were born just the moon full half etc so their was no cake and my host dad treated me as he every other day did not talk to me so that was okay I just went to jentee’s and had my own fun. Speaking of my host dad I think I figured out some stuff about him why he is the way he is turns out he has two family’s in my village like 15 kids all together but he does not take care of the other family also in Cambodia its customary for the man to give all the money to the wife bc she deals with all the buying of stuff for kids family etc however he doest give my host mom any money so that’s why she doest like him and stays at the market all day. Well I think I told u in some blog that I thought he never asked her to host me well now im all most positive he didn’t I think he just wanted my rent money to go drink all day and not help his family which is really sad by Cambodian standards.  I know your all thinking this sounds horrible but as of right now he has really bad case of tb so its better that he acts standoffish to me and everyone else less exposure. I guess my family is just not a happy khmer family bc my friend liz and pon came last week and pon is Cambodian and he told me all the random things they were fighting about and how everything about them was just not happy this makes me know im not crazy when I felt that since I came to my new host family.  Im still waiting for my peace corps mail but im sure whatever was sent will be great once again thanks for the bday good vibes I had a great time till next time peace out from the other side of the world. 

funny youtube peace corps video

granted this is some what over the top its still pretty funny to watch enjoy! ps i never have embed a video before so i have no idea if this works and bc cambodian gov blocked my access to my blog ill have no idea until you tell me so untill next time peace out from the other side of the world in case it doest work hear is the youtube link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-wDq17zyN0&feature=player_embedded

So You Want to Join Peace Corps

pics villager, satuk, watermellons, and my dancing grandmama

Who ever said life was fair

My week of insanity well as most of you know Cambodia has suited me pretty well I really like my day to day life however I guess even when you like where/what your doing in life their has to be downs with it. What else can I say but this week has been that week for me okay well first I had a some what down conversation with peace corps staff about my tom shoes thing about them not really be able to help me as far as customs goes the convo just was just odd and I don’t even want to waste my breath on it all just know that know matter what I have a lot of other volunteers helping me with it and we are not prepared to let this project fail or fall by the waste side with out with out peace corps help! Then okay so I got all my soccer stuff in but now cant find counter parts I went to the extremes to get this one guy I knew spoke eng. number aka my khmer tutor had his number in his records bc he applied for a job I know in america giving out information like that is illegal but in Cambodia no big deal. Anyways I talk to him and he tells me no he doest think he has time and his line of questioning was also a bit disturbing like talking about betting money etc with players I was like nope not the purpose of camp. Then I know this guy who lived in america for a while went to him and he tells me he has to think about it sigh I know your like well maybe they really cant help but hear is the deal this thing is once a month im offering them to take whatever money we charge and split it up not to mention it to help their own community! I mean I make no money in any of this and I care more about it then them I don’t get it. I guess im gonna keep my fingers crossed about the California Cambodian dude but I have a feeling it’s a no go on top of getting people to help me I have had to deal with a whole nother side to this camp… okay so you know in america we all know it’s a really bad idea to work with family bc if something goes bad you cant really fire them or change it and then you go home and cant escape etc well Cambodians know this to but r more likely to ignore it. What I mean by all of this is that my brother first off has been getting people interested all well in good but also it seems like many of his friends are the only people I have thus far to help me run the camp issues one 17 year old boys in Cambodia don’t like to listen to girls issue two if they are horrible at running the camp I know this will lead to family issues for me and I actually have nowhere else to go so yea im sort of worried about the political implication of this camp as far as service goes. Next issue I have had this week with the camp everyone in their god dam mother wants my soccer stuff and I mean everything one they don’t seem to get that’s it for camp that if I give it to them I have to give to everyone and it really started to get to me their whole stereotype about Americas “I just have so much money I will get more” that’s how they view anything I do so granted I never except anyone to thank me bc that’s not what I want but I also didt except them to really take how much went into getting the stuff bc like I said they number one think that I am american and can get whatever I want when the reality is once they use up this stuff its done! However I was really letting this get to me but after talking to my poor khmer tutor who has had to be a therapist for me at times I realized that mabey it will all turn to shit just like im see happening however mabey their will be a lesson for them that I cant just re get stuff and while I get punished in away to sometimes bad things happen for the greater good so that’s helped me not freak out so much which ever way this all goes ill except the fate of it. Sadly the week does not pick up so a few weeks ago I learned that the guy across the street has tb well now my dad has it and im like humm this is not good I deff have been exposed so I bring it up with my health center director and then he informs me he has it so now im like wtf! Is it even ethical for him to be seeing patients then im informed there has been an out break in the village great fml!!! Okay I had a shot when I got here did some research yep not a good out look only 50 percent effective for the lung type of tb which is basically flipping a coin weather it will protect me so I deiced that just incase I am now carrying around I better call peace corps. Mean while im waiting for a call from them about getting tested and I have started to develop deungey like symptoms my whole face feels like its breaking and I just feel dizzy and tired however once I got a call back for my tb they think I don’t have deungey and inform me I have to wait till march to be tested for tb. Well at this point I just give up on life and deiced to let my self go into the world of Cambodian meds were today I was cupped for the first time similar to coning but hurts less I sort of like it better but takes longer jentee was pretty mad I went and did this but whatever sigh. Anyways lets hope my health improves and my general annoyances as well. then to add to my life i guess Thailand want to invade cambodia for this temple thats Cambodia's this has been going on for years between the two countries i don't think either country wants a war. No one ever said life was fair you just have to remember to get back up again and keep on going and know their will be better tomorrow's. till next time peace out from the other side of the world.

Two new years down one more to go happy Chinese new years

Well first out by saying I did not see the dragon so that’s sad but it was a good time and is still I guess Chinese new years but the first night I went to a party and had food and brough my whiskey where we all drank and had a good time. Then when I came home my family all enjoyed my state of mind and made me more food which I was not hungrey for however they gave me the tuk tameret sauce which I love so I had to at least eat some rice with it bc they never make that stuff for me. Humm just like Chinese day of the dead chicken were all over the place my family killed some chickens the night before I saw them gathering some up and I asked them and they turn to be and say Chinese new years. Im like slab, which is, kill in Khmer and there like yes-Chinese new years Cambodia likes to eat chicken. I did not do anything to exciting for it I just kept telling all Cambodians that I to had Chinese in my family, which they thought, was funny.

Khmer Wedding let the S%^&* Show begin

I went to my first official Khmer wedding and have all the Cambodian stories to tell you with in bc I know your all on the edge of your seating needing a good laugh. Well first I got dressed in this crazy traditional khmer wedding alfit that was a like green shirts with flowers rolling down the front inside this shirt where cones to make all khmer womens boobs uniform I guess who knows. I opted out for the 10-dollar Khmer makeup and hair I was to poor for that and didn’t feel like having a pound of make up on my face for the night. So a few other volunteers were also invited this was a volunteer’s older sister in my provenance the wedding was a big wedding anyways we thought we could go around this back way and by pass the whole show in front yeah right lmao. We mange to get in back but not before they bring us out the front doors to make us walk in again so the video camera can get us all then of course we had to get in a picture with the bride so that spectacle they naturally put us at a table where the most amount of people can see us. A few major differences in khmer weddings food being one they are not a one type of meal deal they will keep bring out all these dishes which if family style and beer and sodas they just keep it all coming. The bride has like 8 alfit changes as do people in the wedding party most of the time the groom to, its funny they do try to copy one alfit that is western however both bride and groom wear white. There is no cake but big mound of fruit and a lot of the festivities include both sets of parents like its less about bride and groom and more about them and their parents for instances instead of that cutting the cake deal they take their favorite fruit and feed it to the parents. Also music plays from the time the bride gets up in the ams till late at night. Everything is massively colorful pinks gold’s etc when the bride and groom kiss its only a peck on the cheek never a real kiss bc that’s to sexual in Cambodia. They have sparklers and you get flowers to throw at the bride ist it funny that in America we used to throw rice a lot and that’s so common hear they don’t use it but instead flowers just a side note anyways which ever hand you pick up flowers in your supposed to switch to make it good luck. Dancing is a big part of weddings in Cambodia they really want everyone to dance so if I was sitting to long some guy would come over and bow to me to ask me to dance pretty much they do it all polite I guess but I get board of khmer dancing its just walking and moving hands and I dunno just not my cup of tea I guess however I put forth some effort bc I knew it meant a lot to their culture. Then there is the gift which is money but they believe if guest eat a lot they pay their full share so they get actually get mad if you don’t eat a lot bc then they will not get the money they want also note they write down in this book to keep track how much families give and only will give the same amount. Also there are all these little kids at the wedding who go around to collect the cans to make money which is sort of sad to watch bc they tend to have no shoes and there just all scratched up from I guess their life and when people get up to dance and their not looking they will eat the food its somewhat odd to watch bc everyone is awear this is happening but no one goes out of their way to be like o hear is something we don’t need. However one of the kids stole all the beers from our table not that I give two shits bc I don’t like beer however I was sort of unsure about leaving my bag at the table with my wallet just hope he was stealing the beers to make money not just drink them cuz he was like 7. I think I have said before sometimes you never know if they are being exploited and by that I mean I just hope they get to eat that night from the can money and hope that some a hole doest take all their money to drink and leave them hungry but I cant control that I guess. Well around 10 they stop serving beer that’s when all the volunteers decided to leave and go to this big carnival going on right down the street this is the part of the night I will refer to ask the freak show with out a due let the freak show begin. Okay so we were the only brongs insight however to make things a bit more fun then usual we were all wearing Khmer wedding clothes like literally we would walk past and peoples jaws would drop ad if I was standing still they would start to talk about me and sometimes for shits and giggles I would replay to them in Khmer to let them knew they were talking about me to throw them off there game. This event did have a rides and games one of the more popular games seemed to be ring toss with a twist u could aim for liquor bottles and if you get the ring around it you won it. Cotton candy and then some khmer food they really do like to sell corn in Cambodia more so then I thought I would ever see in an Asian country for some reason corn just seems very native American pilgrims and Indians sort of a deal. The next day I had a meeting about our dv project and then the ride home brings about yet another story for your enjoyment so we always eat at this place to have our meeting so we can have coffee and figure out what to try next anyways as I am leaving to get a taxi back to site these two dudes start to talk to me turns out these random men where immigration officers who were going to Phnom Penh would I like a ride with them. I know your all like did you say no well sadly know I risked my life because they said I didt have to pay them haha that’s how poor I am as a volunteer and that wedding was drain on the wallet as you can see im still hear to tell the tale. Never the less I thought about if I they kill me they might be to high up in gov this might have been a bad idea but then I didt want to think the worst and they ended up being nice enough just wanting to practices speaking eng with me one of the dudes was pretty piss ass drunk so he amused me enough he had me talk to his friend on the phone who works in customs. All I could think is they work in the shady part of Cambodia up by the Thailand border however while it might not have been a good idea it worked out for the best so until next time peace out from the other side of the world.