What it Feels to for a Girl

“Girls can wear jeans And cut their hair short Wear shirts and boots'Cause it's OK to be a boy But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading 'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading But secretly you'd love to know what it's like Wouldn't you What it feels like for a girl” Madonna. So something that never seems to stop plaguing my mind is the very concept of gender and what the world would be like if we did not build up this system of male and female. Granted being possibly over educated in women studies only drives these thoughts further but never the less im in a new culture with a whole new set of gender norms and I really do have to ask why do we in modern day and age still try to keep them so defined. Last night instead of learning Khmer I ended up having over an hour debate with my Khmer teacher talking about this very thing it all started bc I guess there is some dance coming up that all the teenagers are excited about but he was telling me he has no girl friend in the village so he would never be at the dance so he could basically care less about this dance. And then he asked me why I was wearing socks was I cold and asked why khmer woman wear socks and im like try not to be “the black color” and this made me bring up if culturally ideal to be white then why do Khmer men not try to be white? He was like we think white is beautiful and I was like I get that but in America people like when both male and female are tan however if that’s the ideal both try to attracted the opposite sex. Then he bought up that the man has his choice at women so it doest matter I said yea but she can reject you and he said yes but if they really want to purse they can just go to the parents. He proceeded decided to tell me how hard it is for him the man in Cambodia culture well then the doors to hell opened and the battle of the genders started jk. He was protesting to me that he thinks it unfair that Cambodian men must get all the money and then pay the brides parents I think it was 2000 dollars if he want to marry her then he went on about being the bread winner etc. well I have heard this whole dowry price before but I was confused bc Cambodians make on average 1000 dollars a year so asked how does a Cambodian man come up with the money? He told me that they will sell a cow or a part of the land off humm he did’t seem to see the issue with this so I had to help him make the wheels turn. I was like well if you feel its so unfair that you must pay how would you like knowing your human worth to your family is the same as an animal that of a cow not that im not saying for a Cambodian man that 2000 dollar is not a lot of money but when it comes to a humans value would you want to be worth 2000 dollar or priceless? He thought for a min and was like I never thought about that but I guess your right I would not want to be worth the family cow. Next he told me also sometimes the men are lazy and if they pay the money they will make the wife go to work and pay back the 2000 dollars and I was like yea you keep talking about the man being responsible for bring money home for the family but how come everywhere I turn all I see men do is work for a few hours and drink when all the women work all day long and are still responsible for cooking cleaning and taking care of all the husbands needs? He tried to tell me it is only like this in svay and I was like no I don’t think so but he is from phenom penh so he was trying to say its not like that their and I said yea but that doest really count that’s like a different world from the small villages of Cambodia and I went on to tell him many of volunteers that live in small villages see the same thing I do. This left him thinking and he said well the concept behind this is that the man should want to get a job to take care of his family and that is supposed to be a good thing. I said ill take that granted do you realize that how unrealistic that chivalrous idea of the man and woman don’t exist not just in Cambodia but all over the world each person is out from them selves to think that either person wants to be put in this position where they want to take on solely one roll limits both sides. I should also mention he just was dumped by his girl friend who he wanted to marry bc he did not spend enough time with her or something and bc he is a student he could not pay for her etc so he has the chance to start all over with who he picks so after the conversation he decided he wants more of an equal relationship so I may have learned no Khmer yesterday night which is what I pay him for but I might have changed his whole view on woman and men and for that I will say priceless.