“Some people see not enough beauty in the world while others see to much” which one are you? Well in college I had that moment of realization that there is this force of life behind everything and it really was as simple as that moment in American beauty were he see’s the bag just floating how this transcends into my new Cambodian life is I see it even more so being hyperaware of the things people with in the culture are doing makes me see even deeper beauty in it all (a kid ridding a bike) it sometimes nice to have the power to look past the ugliness people carry with in them and go beyond that and then beyond that which for myself was hard to do in the united states. While I do admit my human faults of feeling irritated by people and want to disassociate with people and things that seem to not work with my way of life I now choose more so not to write them off instead look at them as a teaching for me (note I did not say teacher this is for the reason its important not to get to attached but to learn and move on) that’s some more Ram Dass wisdom. However this is easier said then done and I am constantly struggling with this in Cambodia for instances when do you give in to what culturally they want you to do and what you feel you should be doing? I am constantly reminded what a “good Khmer women” would do but being good does that really equal happy or does it lead to oppression? on the other hand what if they don’t see it that way and for me to bring it up basically ruins that whole ignorance is bliss sort of a deal. I guess it comes down to how many of you really would want to know absolute truth or go on being what I think I would call shallow happiness because we must realize that Americans are not a group of people we would label as happy and we have so much freedom I had a conversations with a biologist once about humans being an overall brute animal that are basic design of having a brain is to figure out what is wrong and try to fix it which does explain why we are not to happy once we figure something out but have to move on to the next issues were having. Anyways back on topic in Cambodia many of the women chop the fire wood do all the laundry by hand and in some families not mine thank god have the women of the family eat on the floor while the men eat on a table top if that is no a slam in the head how they culturally view women I don’t know what is. This week the Peace Corps gave us debrief on how women should culturally deal with unwanted sexual attention and if a rape should occur what to do. So this got me really thinking about what should I accept culturally or try to change being Americans has it benefits if I really shake things up I always get to whip out the phrases this is how we do it in America while at first I was hesitant to use this phrases now I realize they actually want to be more like us and if I don’t feel like arguing for 30 mins that ends it. Well never the less I will try to explain Cambodian social hierarchy and how one has to deal with things lets say you have an issues with someone you are work friends with however they are of higher standing then you well you can not be direct with them even if they do something wrong you must go in this weird about way almost like what I think in America would be considered gossip you tell someone and they work there way up the chain until it reaches the person of higher standing then you. I know your all thinking what happens if you tell the person directly? I will tell you in Cambodia that is called losing face which would make that person look bad and then hold a grudge against you and it makes life so much harder esp when you are a peace corps volunteer and need to work with a lot of men with big egos and people in high places. The reason I bring up losing face is that technically me rejecting a man could causes this to occur however culturally men are never supposed to be that forward but in the end it would not matter what some creeper man did is culturally right or wrong if they have the power I would be in the wrong so everything has to be handled just right or as a women I pay the price not saying this does not happen to male volunteers to bc it does but women have to fight it a bit more. So basically how does one ended up deciding what they will change in a cultural or just follow is an extremely hard task or at least for me it is a daily struggle. Naturally this is all from my view and I sometimes would kill to be able to talk to my host mom about this however I can barely say hello and thank you. All I say from observation although most people I meet in Cambodia are really poor and have a lack of freedom they always seem so happy with that all I can state is it hard not to see the beauty in the world when people and things around you always seem so positive.
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